A Penfold for Tea
by mechna prime
Summary: Penfold and I go out for a cup of tea and to buy art supplies. Very silly self insertion fic.


A Penfold For Tea

 _London, a beautiful town, home of the London eye, the lighting powered kettle and the knitted eye patch club. Also home to Danger Mouse and Penfold in a bright red pillar box on Baker Street._

The two agents are sitting on the coach, DM reading a book and Penfold fiddling with his collar and looking at the clock.

"Penfold, what is making you so nervous?" Said DM putting a bookmark in his book and putting it on the coffee table.

"Oh! Uh it's nothing really, I'm just waiting for my friend to arrive. You know, the Girl from the embroidery club." Said Penfold looking away and blushing. Just then there was a loud knocking on the roof of the pillar box. "Oh, that must be her!"

"Did she just knock on the roof?" As DM said this one of his eyebrows looked like it was trying to escape his face.

Penfold jumped up from the couch grabbing his coat. "You should come to the door and meet her." Penfold said to DM. DM got up and followed Penfold to the door (still looking like one of his eyebrows was making a break for it).Pen fold opened the door and stepped outside. Outside there was a human girl leaning against the pillar box. She had red-brown curly hair down to her shoulders and gold eyes behind purple glasses. She was wearing a denim overall dress with a squirrel embroidered on the pocket, a pink long sleeved shirt and black fabric boots with sequins on them.

"Hello Penfold!" she leaned down and waved at him. "Hi." Said Penfold waving back. DM tapped Penfold on the shoulder "This is your friend?" Penfold nodded at DM.

"Is this your friend Danger Mouse, Penfold?" said the girl. "Oh yes! I should introduce you two! DM this is Faith." He said gesturing at the girl, "Faith, this is my friend Danger Mouse." "Nice to meet you, Danger Mouse. I've heard a lot about you from Penny." She extended her finger to shake hands with Danger Mouse. "Pleasure to meet you, Penfold has not said a lot about you. I mean I thought you were a hamster, from what Penfold was saying." Danger Mouse laughed slightly at the fact he had thought Faith was a hamster. "Wait, a moment "Penny"?" "Yeah" she smiled "It's what all the girls at the embroidery club call him, Penfold is such a mouthful." DM smiled at that comment.

"Cor! No need to tell him that Faith." Penfold shook his head "Anyways shouldn't we be going?" "Yeah" she put her hand on the ground and Penfold climbed on, she lifted him to the pocket of her overall dress, he climbed in and looked over the top. "We'll be back in an hour or so DM." "Where are you going?" Asked Danger Mouse. "Just for out for some tea and maybe buying some art supplies." Answered Penfold.

 _~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time Skip~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

"Ah, here we are, my favorite Café, the Interdimensional Cow." Faith smiled and opened the door for herself and Penfold. "Why is it called the Interdimensional Cow?" asked Penfold in surprise. "I don't know but it caters to some rather odd ducks. I figured it would be the right place to go for tea with a talking hamster." Said faith. Penfold looked around at the café, there were science fiction memorabilia all over the walls, and there were large comfortable armchairs and nice wooden coffee tables. It kind of reminded him of someone's living room. He looked around at the customers, there was a man in a pinstriped suit with messy hair sharing a chocolate milkshake with a young lady with blonde hair and a pink shirt and some guy that looked like he was made out of boxes glued together sharing tea with someone with a huge nose in a white lab coat.

"Cor, I don't see any ducks." Said Penfold looking up at his friend. "Penny it's an expression, there aren't any actual ducks here, today that is." Penfold blinked in confusion. "Just forgot I said anything." Said faith. She walked over to the till. "I'll have a mug of Love Tea No 7 and an opera slice. What do you want Penny?" "I think I'll get a thimbleful of earl grey and a petit fours."

Faith and Penfold grabbed their drinks and sweeties and walked over to one of the comfortable armchairs. Faith put the drinks on the table and lifted Penfold out of her pocket and onto the table. "So how has life as a secret agent's assistant been treating you, Penny? We haven't seen you at the club in weeks." " I've been in a bit a funk, I just feel so useless. I'm always messing up and mishearing the Chief." "I know how you feel Penny." He looked up in surprise "you do?" "Yeah, with my health not being so good, I often feel the same way." She took a sip of her tea " (Man that stuffs good) I often need help or get hurt randomly, I feel so embarrassed and useless when I've injured myself and can't stand up and have to rely on my Mom to do everything for me." She took another sip of tea. "I didn't know you had problems with your health Faith." Said Penfold staring up at her. She sighed "I try to make sure people don't know. They either think I constantly need help and can't do anything by myself or just look at me with pity in their eyes." She took another sip of tea to steady her nerves "It gets frustrating, especially when people try to commiserate with me who have no clue what they're talking about." "Yeah it gets frustrating when people figure out who I work for and people are always asking what is the best part about working for a secret agent and their always" Is it the car chases? Apprehending the villain? The cool gadgets?" when really the best part is when we get back home, sit down and enjoy the feeling of a job well done." Faith started to cough painfully putting a hand on her throat. "Faith, you okay?" "Yeah, just getting over emotional, it causes one of my conditions to act up and makes me cough. You know how in frozen that girl has to stay calm or she freezes everything?" "Cor, I remember that film." "Yeah it's like that with the chough, if I get too excited, sad, angry, happy, or nervous, any strong emotion really, it acts up." "Its part of the reason I don't talk about it, because if talk about it I start coughing so badly I can't explain anything." Penfold got up form where he was sitting and waddled over to her hand and hugged one of her fingers. "Penfold, what are you doing?" "You looked like you needed a hug and this is the best I can do." "Thanks Penny." She said and smiled. " They finished the rest of their tea chatting about this and that and what project they were working on and what they needed from the art store. "You done?" she asked "Yeah, let's go." She picked up Penfold and headed out of café towards the yarn store.

 _~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time Skip~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

"Here we are! I think they carry that seasilk yarn here." Faith pushed open the door. "What's seasilk?" "It's a yarn made out of seaweed, gloriously soft and far more washable than silk." Penfold shook his head, "Cor, what will they think of next!"

Penfold looked around the yarn store, the yarn was stored in floor to ceiling bookshelves, there was one whole wall dedicated to pattern books, knitting needles and crochet hooks. "What are you looking for?" he asked. "I want to knit this oversized sweater but I don't know what color yarn I want. I know I want to use acrylic yarn because is washable but I needed a second opinion on color." She replied. They spent awhile pottering about the aisles (and picking out yarn they didn't need but really really wanted) until they ended up at the acrylic section. "Hmm… should I use royal blue and white or navy and cream Penny?" "Try putting the royal blue and cream together, Faith." "Your right that's perfect. Thanks Penny." They both smiled. "Now mind waiting here a moment? I need the ladies room." "Yes chief. "Penfold said making a playful salute. "Better not let him hear you say that Penny" faith said playfully and walked off. She had already asked the clerk where the ladies room was. The back hallway was very dark and on her way she made a wrong turning and stumbled into a side room. "Where is the dratted light switch?" she stumbled around searching for it and tripped over something, breaking her glasses. When she tripped over it she could have sworn she heard swearing coming from inside it. She continued bumbling around until she found the light and turned it on. She was in a back room and she had tripped over a metal device. It was the frogs head flyer! She had seen it on the news that morning. She picked it up and looked through the windows. Inside there was a very angry frog and terrified crow. "Well, Well, Well, who would think I would find the frogs head flyer in the back of the yarn shop?" She tucked it under her arm and walked out only to find Penfold talking to an agitated looking Danger Mouse.

"Penfold, it's not safe Baron Greenback is here, so climb down from there." Said Danger mouse obviously a bit irritated. "No! I said I would wait for her here." "Um… hello… Danger mouse?" Danger Mouse spun around quickly in the direction of her voice "What is it now?" then he realised that Faith was carrying the frogs head flyer. "You found them? Where? And how?" "They were in the back, I tripped over them on the way to the ladies room." He opened his mouth to say something thought better of it, closed it and shook his head. "Where do I drop off these trouble makers Danger Mouse?" Danger Mouse delivered a complicated string of directions at lighting speed. Faith turned to Penfold, "Do you know where it is?" "Yes I wind up going there every couple of days." "Think you could be my eyes? I broke my glasses when I tripped over this thing." "Yes, I think so."

So they made their way to the nearest super villain drop off. After the third rendition of villagers and the second of gold digger they made it. Which was a good thing because danger mouse looked like he was going to lose his temper with their singing very soon. They dropped off Baron Greenback and Stiletto. "We have got to hang out some more Penfold." Said Faith. "I think I'll take you up on that offer but next time I'm paying" said Penfold. "And also make sure you go in right direction on the way to the washroom next time." Danger Mouse, Faith and Penfold all started laughing at that one.

 _And so we leave our heroes enjoying job well done. Will Faith meet Penfold for tea again? Will baron greenback ever get over his embarrassing defeat? Will Penfold ever get over being called Penny? Tune in next time for anther exciting adventure of Dan (phone rings) yes? Oh sir, of course. (Hangs up) Tune in next time for another amazing adventure of Faith and Penny!_


End file.
